The Real You
by Ryan Krzykowski
Last weekend, Pastor Nathan began his message by asking, “Who are you? Who are you really?” He talked about how in our modern society things like work, geography and, to some degree, even family are more fluid than they have been in the past. Gone are the days when a majority of us live in the same home and work for the same company for 30 plus years. We have options that weren’t readily available a generation or two ago. In many ways, we are free to follow our desires, for better or worse. It was at that point that Nathan introduced an idea that hit me between the eyes. Maybe it shouldn’t have, maybe I’ve heard this before and missed it, but this time it got me. He outlined the distinction between two types of desires: our strongest desires, which are often harmful, and our deepest desires, which are the true answer to the “Who are you?” question.
Using Ephesians 4 as the backdrop, Nathan presented the idea that our deepest desires indicators of our true identity. Not only that, but we are free to discover this true version of ourselves as members of Christ’s body. That we are created, called and redeemed to be in Jesus, living out our deepest desires, which have three major components in common:
- Our true selves build with words.
- Our true selves are good at anger.
- Our true selves radically forgive.
As I thought about those three statements, so many coaching situations from my past came to mind. I thought of times I built with words, and times I failed to do so. I thought of times I lost my cool and blew up out of anger, and times I channeled anger productively. I thought of times I asked for and received forgiveness, and times when I extended it to others. All these moments and conversations came up naturally in the everyday course of being a coach.
We talk a whole lot around here about identifying and defining one’s purpose as a coach. Our go-to tagline is “Let’s coach with purpose.” The idea of defining and successfully living our your purpose dovetails just about perfectly with identifying and living into your deep, rather than strong desires. My strong desire might be to lash out at someone who I feel has wronged me, or blow up at a player who is being lazy or disrespectful. But my deep desire is to help young people compete joyfully and help them become resilient, selfless encouragers. The more I reflect on, pray on and practice living out my deep desires, the easier it becomes to resist those strong desires in the moment. I’ll never do this perfectly, but I want to keep growing in that direction. And I’ll never do this very well in my own strength, but rather through the power of the Holy Spirit. Jesus tells us plainly, “Apart from me you can do nothing.” Amen to that.
At CFC, we exist to help coaches define and successfully live out a transformational purpose. We want to help coaches maximize the good they do in people’s lives. I was grateful when a friend recently sent me a link to a free course offered by the great team at PCA, the Positive Coaching Alliance. PCA talks about helping coaches grow as Double Goal Coaches, interested in both winning on the field, coupled with helping develop high impact, quality people. The PCA course is available by following this link. There are directions on the page for how to register for the course and how to use a discount code to make it free of charge. This is PCA’s course, not ours, but it really is good stuff.
So as you head out to practice today, or into an upcoming season, that incredibly important question is right there in front of you: Who are you? Who are you really?
Let’s Coach With Purpose…
(If you’re interested in hearing Pastor Nathan’s message, check it out here. The main portion begins at about the 27:15 mark in the video.)
Who am I really? I’d say I’ve seen enough of myself in 55+ years to say, in my core I am selfish, self seeking, controlling, easily angered, slow to forgive, slow to let go of rejection, abandonment, loss. In Christ I am set free from my old self, I can walk a new path, lower my expectations of self and others, see my wounds and also my blessings that came out of my wounds. Where in my weakness, He has made and is making me, renewing me daily to become stronger. More Free.