Sometimes inspiration for what to write about can be hard to come by. And then sometimes I sit down to write after watching two episodes of “Friday Night Tykes”.
If you are unfamiliar with this new television reality program, it chronicles the season of five youth football teams in the San Antonio area. The boys are all 8 or 9 years old, playing in the Rookie Division of the Texas Youth Football Association.
I had seen ads for FNT and people who know about CFC and the work I do were beginning to tell me that I just had to watch this show. Now I’ve got the first few episodes on my DVR and found time to get through the first couple earlier this week. (It’s always nice when I can tell myself that I have to watch this TV show for my job. That doesn’t happen often.)
What I saw on the show didn’t shock me. I have a pretty realistic idea of what youth sports and youth football are about for many of the people involved. I have seen verbally abusive coaches before in person, so seeing them on TV was no surprise. It was sad to see, for sure, but it wasn’t a surprise.
Watch the show for yourself and you’ll see what I mean. Coaches instructing players to commit potentially dangerous penalties, screaming at little boys in humiliating ways, using foul language in front of 8 year olds, and leading them in an organized and profane chant about an opponent are all fairly indefensible.
On the other hand, while there is no shortage of ugliness depicted on FNT, it’s certainly not all bad. I saw at least some parents and coaches who definitely have the kids’ best interests in mind most of the time. Unfortunately, in a culture that says “we have to win” it’s so easy for everybody, kids and adults alike, to get caught up in all that, to the point of being damaging. Below are two quotes taken from this article found on abcnews.com that illustrate differing opinions:
“It feels like you’re watching child abuse…sanctioned child abuse,” ESPN Analyst and author Tom Farrey told ABC News. “There’s no evidence to suggest that this kind of coaching is effective in building athletes over the long-term.”
At least one of the parents of a player in the Texas Youth Football Association says the coaches have the kids’ best interests in mind.
“Sometimes the coaches can be rough and they’re trying to bring out the best of the kids,” said Lisa Connell.
With all that said, the problem with Friday Night Tykes that I am addressing in this post isn’t maniac coaches or crazed parents. It’s a more subtle issue that isn’t unique to Texas youth football at all. It’s an issue for which many people might be surprised to think that anyone could imagine doing sports a different way. And it cuts right to the heart of what sports and competition are all about.
In our society, we see ourselves and our teammates as “us”. We see the other players, coaches and parents as “them”. And in general, we love and care about “us”. In general we don’t care nearly as much about “them”. We are all guilty of this at some level. Or depending on your perspective, maybe guilty isn’t the right word. Maybe “us” vs. “them” is how it should be. You are entitled to your opinion. I respect that. But if that’s what you believe, that we should love our own team and that it’s OK to hate our opponents, ask yourself these questions:
– Do I really want to teach my children to hate other people?
– If a child from a different team were on my child’s team next season, does it make sense that the same family I saw as an enemy last year is now a treasured member of our team? (That reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld’s observation that sports fans are essentially cheering for laundry, not people.)
-Does vilifying an opponent make athletes play better? If you think it does, what’s your evidence?
My answers to these questions are “no”, “no” and “no, I don’t believe it does”.
You might be thinking, “hold on a minute, you’re taking this too far.” That I’m advocating raising a generation of soft kids who don’t know how to compete. Am I saying that? No!!
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with competition. I am saying that competition should be used to make us better and to simultaneously make our opponents better as well. I’m also not saying there’s anything wrong with rivalry. I see no problem with having some opponents that cause us to consider the game “special” when we play each other.
But what I am most definitely suggesting is that hatred is always a negative, especially when it’s introduced into the minds and hearts of children.