W
hat makes you angry? Having your instructions ignored? Bad drivers? Maybe waiting in a line that moves too slowly? Most of us probably have been bothered by all of these from time to time. But most of us probably also understand that in the scheme of things, these are fairly minor irritants.
A friend and I are reading through and discussing a book together called Voices of the Heart by Chip Dodd. In a nutshell, the book is about understanding our heart: its emotions, desires and needs. Dodd takes a look at defining, or in some cases, redefining the emotions we experience as human beings. And there is an entire chapter on anger.
When I first hear the word anger, I picture someone getting mad. He is steamed, probably visibly agitated, maybe yelling about something. George Kostanza once described anger as an old man trying to send back soup at a deli. That’s my picture of anger.
But Mr. Dodd takes a different approach. He writes that anger is a “caring feeling, telling us that something matters.” He goes on, “Anger exposes what we value and expresses our willingness to do what is required to reach that value.”
If we think about it that way, anger suddenly seems very different. I lose the image of someone out of control, screaming about something. That’s not anger, but rather frustration boiling over. When I understand anger correctly, I see that it’s got the power to be constructive. Boiled over frustration or rage are almost always destructive.
All that sounds fine, but what’s the point? What difference does it make if we make some distinction between anger and frustration/rage? Good question, and here’s a good answer. Understanding what angers me causes me to think. It forces me to examine my values. If I’m coaching an athlete and find myself getting upset, I can reflect on that and try and determine what it is that’s pushing my buttons. Seeking to understand my anger enables me to keep control of myself. It also can expose the selfishness that secretly motivates much of what I do.
At the end of the Anger chapter in Mr. Dodd’s book there is a discussion question that reads, “Have you ever been angry with God?” Wow, what a question. Me, angry with God? It seemed absurd at first and then I realized I’ve been angry with God. Unfortunately, as I began to recall all the times I’d been angry with God, it became clear that the things that should make me angry with God didn’t really make the list. I don’t usually get angry with God over horrible, tragic situations, things like starvation, war, human trafficking, or murder. I get angry with God when my personal feelings are bruised. I ask Him why He allows me to feel pain, let Him know that I don’t like it, and make plans to do whatever I can to make the pain go away.
That question, “Have you ever been angry with God?”, has gotten my attention as I am gradually becoming less selfish, a process that requires being aware of just how self-focused I often am. What if I could more consistently feel the type of motivating anger when others are wronged that would drive me to do whatever I can to make their pain go away? That seems like a pretty worthy goal.
So, I ask you again…what makes you angry? And, have you ever been angry with God?