Last w
eekend I had the privilege of watching one of my sons play in a baseball tournament. It was a semifinal game at 8 AM…a little early for a game perhaps, but a beautiful day for baseball. I was enjoying a really good morning, visiting with a good friend who was visiting after moving away late last year. Both of our sons were playing and having a great time. It was an idyllic scene.
No good thing lasts forever, and soon our peace and enjoyment was interrupted by something happening one field over…
Out of nowhere I heard a Coach addressing his players, who were waiting to play on a field adjacent to ours. This guy was loudly chastising his team for their lackluster performance from the day before. The players looked to be about 12 years old. Apparently these kids had been going through the motions, not playing hard in their earlier games. Should a Coach look to light a fire under 12 year olds who aren’t playing hard or giving their best effort? I think he should. Is it OK for a Coach to use a tone that communicates disappointment that the players aren’t playing the game like they should? Most of the time, I would say yes (unless his behavior is at the heart of their lack of enthusiasm). I certainly didn’t have the complete context and wasn’t aware of all the variables, but on the surface, I was on board with most of what he was saying.
Here was the problem: he started the whole speech by (forcefully) telling his players they had been playing like s—. I’ve been 12 years old, and I am fairly certain that although 90% of the Coach’s message should have been helpful, the only thing those boys will take from that talk was the first sentence. In the long run they won’t remember Coach encouraging them to give it their best, and to play with passion and energy. They will simply remember the time when Coach lost his cool and told them they played like…..
My friend and I looked at each other, agreed it was an ugly thing to watch, and went back to watching our kids play. Not much we could do in that moment, but I long for the day when every Coach in this country is mindful of his/her words, actions and ultimately, purpose for working with our children.