Ben Franklin’s Thoughts on Anger
by Ryan Krzykowski
With the right prompt, I can quickly be transported into an absolutely cringe-worthy memory. Just typing that last sentence brought to mind 4 or 5 moments I would really like to have back. The time I got worked up and fired a verbal assault at a co-worker who I felt had disrespected me. The time my college buddy was disagreeing with me for fun just to push my buttons, and I ended up stomping out and slamming the door. The time I felt embarrassed when asked to quiet down at a team meal and fired back a rude, smart-mouthed comeback. The time (which I’ve mentioned before in this space) I shamed a 12-year old on the field during a football game and angrily sent him to the sideline for no good reason. Unfortunately, there are plenty more.
(Wow, that last paragraph was no fun to write.)
Last week I read this:
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. – Benjamin Franklin
Sounds a bit like these:
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil. – Psalm 37:8
Whoever is patient has great understanding,
but one who is quick-tempered displays folly. – Proverbs 14:29
As we head into a new school year and fall sports seasons, I know I can use the reminder to stay calm and take a breath. Working with people, particularly young people, is demanding and things can get emotional. Strong feelings will come, and anger is part of life. But I can catch the anger, process it, stop, think and follow these instructions:
In your anger, do not sin. – Ephesians 4:26 (quoting Psalm 4:4)
Whether we’re inclined to heed the advice of David, Solomon, the apostle Paul or Ben Franklin, the charge is basically the same. When it comes to anger, catch it and avoid being controlled by it.
Let’s Coach With Purpose…
Excellent. I discovered my anger to control was actually hidden under my sadness and loss. Deep diving digging up old wounds, why am I wired the way I am? I realized, when mom came into my bedroom that morning, “I Am leaving your dad today”.
You would have thought that???
That a 17 year old young man could have handled “sadness” and loss. I never really acknowledged the loss, no more x y z’s mom was leaving “me” too!
I wasn’t going to drive to her apartment across the river to have any meals or conversations with the mom who just separated from the family, from me.
I put attention into? Sports!
From that point forward, I would protect, me!
No one would get close enough to me to know the real me!
I always broke up first! All relationships would start and finish on my terms.
I found alcohol to be my perfect weekend hiding place, our on the town, using my gifts of humor and athleticism to my full advantage!
Perfect insulation, humor, alcohol, athleticism!
I was angry! But didn’t know I was ANGRY, all the masks I wore!
Guys guy, sports guy, funny guy, happy guy, and when necessary, angry guy to defend the territory!
Hmmmm
What was I really afraid of, what was in the deeper levels, kicking up my need to control.
Sadness.
Loss.
Until I stopped running from my real pain, that broken hearted kid!