God’s been chasing me. I’ve been walking with him for many years, and as so often happens, He’s bringing me to a new place in my relationship with Him. For at least a few weeks and maybe a while longer, I’ve been running on fumes. Been feeling like there’s no way I can do a great job with everything I’m doing, between family, church, work and play there just aren’t enough hours in the day. I’m certainly not the only one who’s ever felt that way, I know that. So then I would beat myself up about my lack of energy, focus and passion. It wasn’t like I had become completely useless or incompetent; there was just this gnawing sense that something was out of balance. But I didn’t really know how to realign myself.

A couple weeks back I listened as two members of FCA’s national executive team spoke on two of the ministry’s core values, first integrity, then excellence. Long story short, the Lord showed me a couple things about me that needed to be brought into balance. I realized that while my priorities looked better than they did years ago, I still had a ways to go. I also realized that my lack of peace was a gift from Him; a way of waking me up to the fact that I was not loving Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

For example, I’ve heard of these people who get up at 4 AM to spend time in God’s Word. I always figured that they were either from another planet or sleep-deprived monsters. I would do my best to spend time with the Lord every day, but sometimes ended up squeezing in 15 minutes here and there, or occasionally skipping it altogether. The challenge I was issued was instead of trying to figure out how I could carve out time for God (which certainly isn’t a bad thing), to try praying and asking Him when He wants to meet with me. To my dismay, the answer I got was “very early in the morning while it’s still dark”.

“No way can I do that,” I thought. I’m not like those guys. I’m not a slug, but I enjoy my sleep. Then it was as if I heard God whisper, “I will give you the energy you need to do what I want you to do.” That ‘conversation’ helped me realize that I make time for at least a few things that are not important. For the record, playing with my children, resting and things like that are important. The unimportant things I’m talking about are things like watching a ballgame and strictly adhering to my running training schedule. I’m not saying those are bad things. They are not. I’m sure I will continue to watch plenty of ballgames. I will continue to train for the Olathe Marathon on 4/10. I would simply like to stop making those things more of a priority than other things that are clearly more important. For the past two weeks, I’ve done just that. It’s not like I never get tired anymore. Jesus got tired now and then. But the peace I have in my life right now is something I’ve never had before, at least not quite like this.

Little by little, the Lord revealed to me other areas of my life that had become way too important to me. One more example: somehow I’ve gotten it in my head that my ideal running weight is about 10 pounds less than I weigh now. Without doing it on purpose, I had become way too interested in jumping on the scale every day. My attitude and mood sometimes were affected by whether or not I weighed a pound or two more than I thought I would that day. How sick is that? Kind of sounds like Coaches who base their attitude and mood on what the scoreboard says. That scale had become my scoreboard. I’ll stop now before I embarrass myself any futher with that one.

Anyway, I felt led to put down some thoughts and have given it the title of my “Life Plan”; a mission statement of sorts and a way of staying on track. I’ve also felt led to share it with those who are reading this post, at the risk of pulling back the curtain just a little too much. Maybe there’s someone who will relate to this. Maybe what God’s teaching me can help somebody else. That’s my prayer. Or maybe you will just think I’m crazy. I can live with that, I guess. So here it is:

-When I’m home with my family, I’m home with my family. With only occasional exceptions, emails and phone calls are for when I’m at work.

-The ‘me time’ I need will mostly be satisfied by the time I spend with God early in the morning, six days a week. (I allow myself to take a Sabbath rest and sleep a little more on Sunday morning.)

-Running is great exercise, and it’s a privilege, not an entitlement. I need not be overly rigid about keeping to the training schedule.

-I will eat well.

-I don’t care what I weigh. Eating well and exercising will result in proper weight and good health.

-My wife and I will spend quality time with each of our sons, striving to reach their hearts and minds with the love of Jesus, and communicating that they are worth our time individually.

-My wife and I will go on dates together. I will proactively work with other husbands who also have a hard time in this area about taking turns watching each other’s kids.

-I will remember that God will give me the time and energy to do everything He wants me to do.

Like I said, I know that’s pretty personal. If you’ve made it this far, apparently you didn’t mind.