Motivation (next post on 7/10)

I remember sitting in a college class full of future educators one time as our instructor posed the famous question, “Is it better to be feared or loved?” I remember then listening to lively debate on both sides. On one hand, leaders who are feared usually have few problems keeping their follower “in line”. Not many are willing to cross a boss, teacher or Coach who rules with an iron fist. I’ll grant you that.

But what about being a leader who is loved? I supposed it depends on why they are loved. When I was in high school, we “loved” this one teacher I had because we could do just about anything we wanted to in her class. But, then again, that’s probably not really love. Thus the quotation marks around the word “loved”. I’ve read somewhere that “(love) is not self-seeking” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Our love for that teacher was pretty darn self-seeking.

Leaders who are authentically loved can be demanding. They can certainly make our lives uncomfortable at times. But we love them. Why? No matter how difficult someone makes my life, I will do just about anything for a leader whose actions show that he cares more about me personally than for what I can help him accomplish for himself. I will accept discipline from someone who is working to make me better, rather than someone who tears me down either out of his own personal frustration or a need to feed his own ego. I will gladly serve a leader who is humble and sincerely deflects praise and credit to others. I will be suspicious of a leader who has a need to glorify himself. I will trust my life in the hands of a leader whom I love. I cannot easily trust a leader whom I fear.

A Coach who is feared can get results for a time. It’s not like they can never win a game. Fear can be an excellent short-term motivator. But a Coach who is loved can reach a level of success that is far more sustainable. He/she can create a program that is characterized by trust, discipline, accountability, mutual respect and love for others. Like I said, either one of these types of Coaches can win a game. If we look at lists of championship Coaches anywhere, we see examples of both types of motivators. But which sounds like a happier, healthier place to be? I want to be the Coach who is loved.

But here’s the problem. It’s not possible to become a leader who is loved if my goal is to be a leader who is loved. I’ve seen those guys. I’ve been that guy before. Those guys get abused by their players. Rather, the way to be loved is simply to love. To love consistently. To care deeply. In our lives, when we are confronted with a powerful, selfless love that someone has for us, our natural response is almost always to return the love. Jesus is the ultimate Coach, and as I continue to learn to understand the power of his love for me, my desire to obey and willingness to trust continue to grow as well. “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19).