I used to spend quite a bit of time in an office that had wallpaper on each of its employees’ computers that read “A Results Based Culture”. And I get it. At the end of the day, most of us are going to be measured by what we accomplish. We are evaluated by how we behave or perform in most aspects of life. From a practical standpoint, people who depend on us seem to be more affected by what we produce than by what’s happening inside of us. So please understand, I am not opposed to measuring and evaluating results. I’m really not. We all want to feel like, whatever it is we’re doing, that we’re doing it well. There’s something built into each one of us that yearns to achieve and know the satisfaction of a job well done.
That inner longing to earn and achieve is often a very good thing. However, it can also get in our way. The reality is that some things in life cannot be earned or achieved and the more we strive after them, the more elusive they become.
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| Their performance isn’t what makes these kids lovable |
A few weeks back I wrote about the boys I am coaching this fall, ages 5-8. These kids are awesome — full of energy and enthusiasm. They get along really well together and other than occasionally having a hard time staying focused, these boys have been just about perfect to work with. We play in a church-sponsored league, and at each practice we have a short discussion about a Bible story. There’s supposed to be some takeaway that will help these boys understand something about who they are, who God is and how He loves us.
Our conversation earlier this week was an eye-opener for me as I posed the question, “what can we do to make God love us more?” Each boy took a turn talking about how making good choices, treating people well, following the rules, or some other behavior would make God love us more. My own son was one of them. It hit me hard, and I wondered who or what taught them that. It’s a lie, by the way, that there’s anything we can do to make God love us more. His love for us is infinite and perfect all the time, and learning to understand and embrace the unconditional love of Jesus is a critical component of one’s emotional and spiritual well-being.
So what do we do with little kids (or bigger kids) who haven’t heard that clearly enough to internalize it? Whether it’s primarily cultural influences, something in our own nature, or some combination of multiple factors, the fact is that we are raising children who believe that their value and acceptance is contingent upon what they do. That’s a heavy burden to bear, and while as coaches we are certainly charged with training, evaluating and correcting behaviors, we also have an incredible opportunity to make it clear to every one of our young athletes that their performance does not define them. It does not make them more valuable or worthy of acceptance and love. Helping a kid understand that might just be the most important lesson we could ever help them learn.
80’s Lyric
