It’s not all about me. Once in a while I need to be reminded of that, and yesterday I was.
Sometimes I will visit the public library to get some work done. It’s usually a good place to read, answer emails or do some writing. But yesterday it wasn’t very good at all, because this guy was talking on his cell phone. It was weird, because we all learned as little kids that you’re supposed to be quiet in the library. This particular guy was having about a 15 minute conversation in a normal voice. I kept hoping he would take it outside, or figure out that he was driving people nuts and hang up. And he just kept talking. Crazy right?
As I sat and tried to get my work done, growing more and more irritated by this man and his cluelessness, something happened that changed my attitude. As he ended his call, I heard him say, “I’m so glad I got that interview because I really need this job.”
In that moment, I began to see the man differently. How long had he been out of work? What is his home/family life like? Does he have children? How have they been getting by? I don’t know the answers to any of those questions and I never will. I will never know whether or not the guy got the job. I still believe he should have had the sense to have his loud cell phone conversation somewhere else, but in that moment I stopped caring about how he was bothering me. I saw another human being who was hurting and in need.
When we coach people, particularly children and adolescents, they will regularly do and say things that mystify us. We will wonder how they could be so clueless, so foolish, so childish, etc. We will be tempted to become irritated with them. Sometimes we will give in to the temptation and actually become irritated with them. Sometimes their clueless, foolish or childish actions will require discipline and consequences. But we might do well to realize that we probably have no idea what that thing is that if we were aware of it, would cause us to view them very differently. There is often a story going on beneath the surface.