Summer is many things and for our family, it’s workout season.  Two of my sons are middle school age, and have been going to speed/agility training four days a week, along with workouts conducted by their Coaches for the upcoming football season.  Along with everything else our family has had going this summer, it’s been a logistical challenge to try and have each child where he is supposed to be all the time.  But as a family that is all about commitment (and getting our money’s worth out of the workouts we’ve paid for), the boys haven’t missed very many practices or workouts.

Plenty of families deal with busy schedules and the hectic nature of a sports family’s life.  That’s nothing new.  But a couple weeks ago my 11-year old asked me something that got me thinking.  He asked for a day off.  My gut reaction was to say “no way”.  I was really close to giving him a speech/pep talk about how every day is an opportunity to get better, and if you’re not getting better you’re getting worse, and how all of the kids he’ll be competing with this fall are working out today, and all the usual things that a Coach might say in that type of situation.

But I didn’t.  I stopped.  I thought about my son and who he is.  He is not a lazy kid.  He understands commitment.  He gives a good effort when he practices and plays.  He also is 11.  He is not a man.  He is still developing his love for the sports he plays, and I have no desire to hinder that process.  So considering all that, I told him, “Sure, you can have today off.”  It was a hard thing to say.  I didn’t like the way it sounded coming out of my mouth.  But I could tell that he was grateful.  He knows me.  He knows how I am, and he knows that granting a day off isn’t something I’m going to readily agree to.

There’s obviously a balance here.  We can’t take every day off.  If our players and our own children want to play, they’re going to have to work out.  They’re going to have to practice.  At the same time, if they learn to hate what they’re doing at age 11, if they resent the fact that I am more concerned with getting my money’s worth than being attentive to their needs, then they will either quit or wish they could.  Neither of those is a good option.

Interestingly, the workout I was going to let my son skip was rained out and made up the next day.  He went to the makeup session and has gladly attended every subsequent workout over the past few weeks.  As I think about that, it seems like his request for a day off was only partly about wanting a break.  I think it was also a subconscious way for him to gauge my priorities.

Raising children and coaching athletes is not an exact science.  We must be willing to listen to them when they tell us what they need.  Often, the willingness for us to listen is what they need the most.